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Home›Men's Sexual Health›How to control sexual desire

How to control sexual desire

By James C. Westgate
July 20, 2021
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Do you feel sexually insatiable? Imagine erotic scenarios that may or may not happen?

I was there, I did that. Sounds like fun though! Not a concern.

It is normal for your libido, that is, your libido, to fluctuate. There will always be days, weeks, months, even years when your libido is higher than usual.

Most of the time, a high libido or a higher libido is not a problem. Desiring sex more often is human. That doesn’t make you a nutcase.

What is libido?

Sexual desire or the emotional and mental energy associated with sex is called libido. A higher or lower than normal libido can be influenced by:

  • Psychological factors – stress, anxiety or depression
  • Biological factors – testosterone and estrogen levels
  • Social factors – intimate relationships

What is the “normal” libido level?

There are no scales, no universal benchmark for measuring libido. You can, of course, have your own personal “normal”. But that too will be a range. There are many factors that can cause a minor or massive change in your libido, including:

  • Sleep, diet and training
  • Daily schedule
  • Mood and mental health
  • Age
  • Relationship status
  • Hormones
  • Medicines and physical health

How can I detect high libido

© iStock

Since there is no benchmark for “normal” libido, you can’t stick to a number.

One person may desire sex once a day while another may have no libido. Some people desire more sex when they are relaxed on vacation than when they are working and commuting.

It’s different for everyone.

The questions you need to ask yourself are: “Do I want sex more than usual?” Do I feel more lively than before? Is my libido suddenly higher than that of my partner? ”

This could give you insight into your libido levels. But other than that, there isn’t a quiz or doctor-approved test you can take to confirm if your libido is high.

Why is it unexpectedly “high”?

Congratulations! Even so, you have found that your libido is, in fact, high. But why? Perhaps:

Your stress levels are lower than usual

If you are going through a period of low stress, your libido will likely increase.

You train

When you exercise regularly, it boosts your self-confidence, reduces stress, and improves sleep. These factors may be responsible for your higher libido.

Your sex life is good

The more good sex you have, the more your body craves it. It’s all thanks to your hormones. So if someone has rocked your world, it’s natural to want sex more often.

Your mental health improves

Growing up in a sexually repressive environment can disconnect you from your libido.

But going to a sex therapist or mental health professional to overcome the embarrassment can help you reconnect with your sexual desires.

You have started, changed or stopped certain medicines

Antidepressants and beta blockers can have a huge impact on libido. You should not change or stop such medications without consulting your health care provider.

Substance use

Consuming alcohol or smoking can lower inhibitions, which can lead to increased libido in the short term. However, in the long run, alcohol addiction can decrease sexual arousal, performance, and satisfaction.

The use of stimulant drugs like cocaine can also increase sexual desire.

When is high libido really a problem?

Man watching porn
© iStock

When you think your high libido is a problem, or when it starts to cause you to act in a way that interferes with the rest of your life, your higher libido actually becomes an issue.

For example, if it makes you skip work, engage in risky behavior, cheat on your partner, or invest a huge chunk of your savings in sex gadgets, that’s a problem.

If you feel distracted or dissatisfied even after having sex and masturbating, this could be a bigger problem.

Work with your mental health professional and develop a game plan in such a case.

How to control sexual desire

If this bothers you, there are a few things you can try.

Do an introspection

Are you really bothering your libido spike? Does this interfere with your life? Does this make your partner uncomfortable?

Or does your upbringing make you feel guilty about these cravings?

Practice mindfulness

Sex relieves stress. Try to find other non-sexual ways to relax, such as meditation or yoga. It will bring balance to your life.

Include more anaphrodisiacs in your diet

Aphrodisiacs can increase your libido, anaphrodisiacs do the opposite. These are foods or drugs that decrease your libido. Consume licorice, cilantro, corn flakes, graham crackers, soy, and a Mediterranean diet to lower your testosterone levels.

Direct your energy elsewhere

It is difficult but lasting. If you pick a new hobby and really commit to it, you won’t have hours to think about sex.

You can get used to something as energy intensive as a high-intensity workout or as calming as gardening.

While exercise can help you invest your physical strength elsewhere than in sex, a calming activity will allow your mind to take control. Both have long term benefits.

Interrupt your impulses

Just like a cigarette or a chocolate, your desire for sex also passes when it is not fueled. When you feel aroused, don’t act on it.

Instead, find a way to divert your thoughts by counting the stars or maybe the cars. Play a game that will force you to concentrate. Make a list of all the things you love about your partner.

Communicate with your partner

If your partner’s libido isn’t as high as yours, chances are your partner is feeling guilty about not being as interested in sex as you are.

Be honest with them and see if they are open to frequent dates. Discuss that you want to connect with them both physically and intimately, but in a way that makes you both feel good.

Make your partner feel like they’re an important part of what you’re going through.

The bottom line

High libido can add more spice to your love life if your partner is on board. But can it get to a point where it starts to interfere with your life? Yes.

As long as you don’t hurt anyone or stray from your responsibilities to get out of it, you’re fine.

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