My young boyfriend loves to show me off, but we never have sex
I’m Zachary Zane, a sex writer and ethical man (a fancy way of saying I sleep with a lot of people, and I’m very, very open about it). Over the years, I’ve had my fair share of sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations. In doing so, I learned a thing or two about navigation issues in the bedroom (and a bunch of other places, TBH). I’m here to answer your most pressing sexual questions with in-depth, practical advice that goes beyond just “communicating with your partner” because you already know that. Ask me anything – literally, anything – and I’ll gladly do it.
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Dear Sexplain It,
I met a great guy who works security at Walmart. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. I am 74 years old and have been married twice. He is 38 years old and has never been married. I admit that I look damn good for my age.
Over the last three months we have become much closer and the chemistry is definitely there. We became intimate in some ways, but not completely. He says one day we will make love. I really like him. He is loving and caring, and we always have a good time together. We text each other every day and see each other several times a week.
He introduced me to some of his co-workers and said, “Would you believe she’s 74? I don’t know if he dares to be with me. Is there a way to ask her without sounding critical?
Also, I’m now wondering if he’s gay, and maybe that’s why he’s reluctant to go any further? He once told me that he knew someone who had sex with women all over the world, and that sometimes this guy also had sex with men. If he was gay, I would understand why he didn’t want to sleep with me.
— Mrs. Robinson
Dear Mrs. Robinson,
Without knowing your boyfriend, I can’t say for sure if he’s gay or not. I know it would be a relief if he was exclusively into guys, because you wouldn’t have to deal with the possibility of him being into women, but not you. Rejection would be much less painful.
I want to get to the root of what seems to be troubling you: the fear that your boyfriend isn’t sexually attracted to you, which, though I hate to say it, seems like a more likely explanation for his behavior than the fact that is secretly gay. We live in an extremely old society, so I can imagine how refreshing it is for you, a 74-year-old woman, to get this attention from a 38-year-old suitor. I can tell you that you really want to believe it’s real, but some of his behaviors (like introducing you with your age and not initiating sex) make you wonder if your relationship is real and rightfully so.
Having a conversation with him is the only way for you to know for sure if he sees this going further – both emotionally and sexually – or if he just wants a story he can share at parties for years. coming. (“Yeah, I dated this woman who was 74 for a while.”)
I know this discussion is a terrifying prospect, as it opens up the possibility of rejection. He might say you’re “too old” to seriously date him, which would be upsetting, but it also doesn’t seem like you’re happy in your current confused situation. It is better to know what he really thinks and feels.
He said “one day” you’ll have sex, which tells me you had some kind of serious conversation before. This time, you have to go straight to the point. Your Age Is the ‘Elephant in the Room,’ Says a Sex and Relationship Therapist Todd BaratzLMHC, and it’s time for you to address it and your relationship expectations.
Next time you’re going out on your own, ask if it’s a good time to talk about your relationship. If he says yes, say something like, “I really like you and enjoy spending time with you. I think we have a great connection and we would like to take our relationship to the next level, including sex, but I sense some hesitation. on your part, it might have something to do with my age. How do you feel for us? »
If he says he doesn’t want to go any further, well, that’s your answer. But if he gives you the same vapid response, “We’ll have sex someday,” let him know — not in a rush, but in a factual way — that sex is something you need. You are not ready to wait and you prefer not to continue seeing someone who is not on the same wavelength. What I’m saying is I think you should break up. I know it won’t be easy, but hey, you’ve got quite a bit of life experience. You have experienced the end of two marriages. You can manage it.
If you decide to look for a new partner, Walmart isn’t the only place to meet guys. I’m not sure about your experience in the world of dating apps, but today’s apps allow you to openly express what you’re looking for in a relationship and find other people who feel the same way. You deserve a sex-filled relationship where you feel loved, wanted, and proud of your age, regardless. If that young man can’t give you that, move on and find someone who can.
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