After hanging up on the phone with Shadow Priest, I take a deep breath and mumble, “phew. Pissed off, pissed off, pissed off.

Our relatively vanilla chat wasn’t the usual fare of Shadow Preist phone calls, and he’s anything but a salvation-obsessed religious figure. Shadow Priest is a phone sex operator who specializes in getting guys out with the sound of his low baritone voice and male dominance.

The part of the conversation that confused me, causing me to lose my professional rhythm, was asking Shadow Preist to give me a taste of the voice his clients hear when they call his NiteFlirt hotline for certain personalized Warning. That’s when his voice went dangerously low, clearly enough to cause anyone to lose their religion and give in to the dark side of desire.

If anyone is an expert in the power of voice and sexual suggestion, it’s Shadow Preist. Not only has he been a telephone sex worker for 13 years, he’s also a certified clinical hypnotist, using the power of suggestion to help submissive men channel their desire. And the power of his skills is strong. During our call, he tells me about that time he hypnotized a playmate, making her cum while playing with a clitoris that he “placed” on her forehead.

If you want to improve your dirty talk skills, there’s no one better than Shadow Preist to check out. Here are his expert tips on how to piss off your partner with the sound of your voice alone.

How did you come to this job?

I was already a BDSM master – basically, someone who runs a naughty sex scene – and a girlfriend who had been involved in phone sex on Niteflirt recommended it, so I gave it a try. Gays have always liked me, so “gays looking for a BDSM master” was my natural niche. I got a good response and decided to stay.

What makes someone “good” at talking dirty?

Listen. The first thing to do is listen to your partner’s fantasies. What do they think about when they fantasize? What words do they use? Paying attention to your partner is the most fundamental and important skill.

What’s your #1 tip for someone who wants to improve their conversation in bed?

Think VAK: visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Describe things in terms of what they see, hear and feel. When you use all three, you create an immersive world.

How does someone channel a sexy voice?

First, relax your body and speak from your stomach. The voice is an instrument, and we can all learn to play it. The key is resonance, and resonance occurs when the body relaxes. I like to use the yoga warrior pose to stretch the muscles from the hips to the throat. It really helps to open up the voice and give it greater resonance. Second, slow down. Nothing about sex is a race, so take your time. Third, be confident. When someone enthusiastically consents to a sexual conversation with you, you already know they want you. Let that nurture your confidence.

What does almost everyone like to hear dirty talk?

“Yes, it’s true.”

Although fantasies vary widely, letting people know when they’re on the right track helps them relax in the moment. You can also use affirmation to train your partner by giving them affirmation when they do something that works for you. They’ll become more confident, you’ll have more fun, and it’ll become a positive feedback loop.

What’s the biggest mistake people make when they talk badly?

Keep quiet about what they really want. Look, I have two balls, but neither is crystal. I can’t bring your fantasies to life if you don’t share them with me. Open up and we can have a lot of fun.

On the other hand, when leading the conversation, the biggest mistake is not listening. Resist having an agenda and prioritize the present moment with your partner.

How can a person become more comfortable talking dirty in the bedroom?

Deliberate practice. Let’s face it, you’re not going to read the perfect book and suddenly become a Cassanova. It takes practice, and you have to fail and be prepared to fail. Those who can take the risk of making a fool of themselves can master a lot, but that’s the price to pay. So go ahead, start doing it, and watch the results you get. Notice your partner’s reaction, then do more of what works and less of what doesn’t. Little by little, you are improving. It’s like they say in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu: “A black belt is just a white belt that never gives up.”

Do you have a line to follow when you don’t know what to say?

“What do you think about when you touch yourself?” Again, their fantasies are fodder for great sex talk.

What if there are awkward moments?

To breathe. Center yourself. Stay calm. It’s just sex. It is play. As you do this and relax, you can go back to something that worked before or try something new.

Once and for all: Should men moan?

If they like, absolutely. What they shouldn’t do is force it because they shouldn’t act. Acting, or pretending, just isn’t conducive to a good time for anyone. Even as a professional, I’ve learned that I do my best when I stick to what’s natural for me.

How do you ask for consent when talking dirty without ruining the mood?

I like to talk a bit before really getting into the thick of things to see what they want. If there is going to be anything that would be a little “out there” during the scene, it’s best to discuss it then. But if you’re already in the scene and you think it might go a certain way, you can frame it as a possibility, not an action. Something like “You’re such a naughty bitch, tell me something, do you need…?” is much better than “And then I bend you over and…”

Why do you think phone sex is still popular in the digital age?

Link. You can only watch porn in a dark room for so long before you remember that sex is something where a little company is quite enjoyable.

In terms of phone sex, should you really ask a person, “What are you wearing?” »

Only if they invited you. Most of the time, people don’t dress to talk on the phone. Keep it in the fantasy. Maybe try asking “What would you wear if…?” so they don’t lie and break the state. In other words, if they describe an insanely hot outfit they’re supposed to wear, but they’re sitting in sweatpants, they might roll their eyes. It doesn’t help them get into a sexy mindset.

What’s a good way to start a sexy conversation on the phone?

When people call me, they’re already excited. And that means they were thinking about something that excited them. So I’m going to ask what it was. If it wasn’t stealing, I’d start by asking them what they fantasize about. When someone describes their hottest fantasy to a non-judgmental, sexy-talking listener who they find attractive, you know they’re going to start getting turned on.

Should you ever send emoticons in foul text-based language?

There is no clear answer here. Read your partner. If they send emojis while on, then the emojis won’t be a mood killer for them. But I’m not going to start with the emojis.

Is phone sex cheating?

It depends on your relationship. And that being said, there are a lot of guys who only manage to stick together and remain good partners because every once in a while they scratch that itch. When they do this with phone sex workers on Niteflirt, they’re not harassing their partner for something they’re not interested in, it’s not going towards destroying a house, and they’re never bringing an STD back to the House. So, perhaps the course of wisdom is, “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

What is the most common fetish you encounter in your work?

Guys who want me to use hypnosis to make them my willing slaves. Every flirt on Niteflirt has a niche. Since I’m a hypnotist who uses hypnosis to turn guys into my willing slaves, I get a lot of that.

I get people who are nervous about hypnosis. The first thing I do is figure out if it’s something they’d like to try and they’re just scared or they just don’t want to. If they don’t want to, I drop it. I don’t proselytize or pressure people. Now, if they’re nervous but curious, I let them know the difference between what people think it is and what it really is. You’re not really unconscious during this time, rather relaxed and intensely focused. And that means if I tried to put something in your head that you didn’t want there, you could open your eyes and end the session.

It can be daunting, the thought of being out of control and not knowing what the hypnotist has in mind or not knowing what you will do once you are hypnotized. Of course, this fear and surrender is part of the call. Naturally, it would be wise to know the person you are playing with.

What is your most memorable phone call?

Probably the one where a devoted slave begged me to order him to pay the $2,000 for me to become a certified clinical hypnotist. I did, and he did. More than money, it makes you realize how much it means to some people.

Has your job had an impact on how you think about sex?

Sure. In the 13 years I’ve done this, I’ve seen that having “unusual” fantasies isn’t unusual at all. I learned that people have a psychological need to be seen. Not even accepted, just seen. So that those parts of themselves that they hide in the shadows are really seen by another human being. It can be incredibly liberating.

What do you love most about being a phone sex operator?

Although it’s a lot of work, it’s also a lot of fun. I can let my sadistic and dominant side out and have a lot of fun with it. Where else can you put your customers down and make them love you for it? It also gives me the chance to do something that I really shine at. The book Conduct lists doing what you are good at as a major motivator towards success and satisfaction. You are still learning if you want to succeed as a phone sex worker. And it helps people. There is a healing aspect to being seen and exploring your fantasies. Many of my callers report simply being happier and more engaged in their daily lives.

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