Psychologist Explains Why Narcissists Always Miss You
Have you ever met or even dated someone who never seemed to be amused or satisfied? Like you can never turn that person on? According to Ramani Durvasula, PhD, clinical psychologist, this person could be a narcissist. In a new YouTube video, Dr. Durvasula, better known as Dr. Ramani, explains this phenomenon of boredom in narcissists and why it’s not your fault a narcissist chooses to leave you behind.
Dr Ramani explains that narcissists tend to be reward-sensitive, which means they live for dopamine-fueled surges by receiving any type of reward; healthier people are able to inhibit their reward responses in favor of their long-term goals (in other words, they can operate on delayed gratification). Due to their rewarding and novelty-seeking behaviors, Dr Ramani adds that narcissists get bored not only easily with new things, but also with new people. His theory is that narcissistic reward sensitivity may explain why narcissists can engage in impulsive, sometimes dangerous behaviors – drugs, alcohol, gambling, risky sex, overspending, or overeating. “They first engage in pleasure,” says Dr Ramani. “And then face the consequences later, if ever.”
Dr Ramani shares an example of an invitation to a Hollywood party where the guests of honor seemed to get bored extremely quickly despite the large amount of food, beautiful decorations, music, other guests and the effort to organize the party. She identified them as potential narcissists, describing them as sitting and looking like “deflated balloons”, rudely dismissing waiters offering them appetizers.
Dr Ramani connects the boredom factor associated with narcissists with the concept of love bombardment, where a narcissistic person treats you like a novelty, fills you with love, affection and perhaps gifts at the start of a relationship. relationship, and then withdraw as a novelty. fades. âIt’s not you, it’s that you are new,â Dr. explains Ramani.
Dr. Ramani also theorizes that narcissists are more likely to be cheaters because of this behavior. “This is often why narcissists often put their world in danger,” adds Dr Ramani. “The next brilliant thing they come across is so compelling, and the narcissist’s lack of empathy is so vast, that they don’t think about what their indiscretion is costing others,” leaving the person in a relationship with a narcissist feeling as if their relationship is never enough.
Having to constantly perform and feel exciting for a relationship or friendship is not normal, according to Dr. Ramani. âWith a healthy person, your ordinary day is more than enough,â she says. âBut with a narcissist, you’ll always feel like you’re trying to entertain him. Unfortunately for a narcissist, she said, the next person will always end up being boring because time breeds familiarity, forcing the narcissist to look for something. again “They’re always waiting for the next new thing,” she adds. “You’re not boring, narcissists just miss everything.”
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